Evelyn never needed to preserve on her face and figure the way Mrs.Mayfair did: she looked as young as a thirtysomething newly-wed. She was even as incommunicable as a young woman. It seemed to Abby she especially relished the moments of speaking unilaterally, especially when she nagged her daughter.
Evelyn was unlike Mrs. Mayfair also in that she was of utmost honesty and never put on the polite veneer. In her world, as long as something was deemed true, it could be spelled out without reservations. Her honesty made Abby feel guilty, because Evelyn had honestly pushed herself beyond the limits: three houses, one for living, two for rental, days of excruciating, itinerant work, but she was still inadequate to cover Abby’s “wishes”. The more she rejected Abby, the more Abby wished to achieve something by herself, and along her way she would learn deeper about the world outside her sphere, adding unattainable wishes everywhere.
“Abby, you don’t need to hide if you wanna cry out loud. It’s us, you can do whatever you want,” said Ella.
“I want a coach,” Abby breathed.
Ella’s heart sank.
“If I had one, maybe Jason wouldn’t sneer at me,” Abby said in a hoarse voice.
“Jason sneered at you? You never told me so,” said Ella.
“Because you were dating him, and later when you weren’t, it occurred to me that it was useless to tell. He’s right. I can’t do well on things if I don’t have the resources he has, no matter how much I devote to those things.”
“Shake it off, honey. I was a bit hasty, but now everybody knows he’s a snob.”
“A bit? That guy barely makes a basket but grabs my three-pointers every time,” added Nathan.
“Nobody cares if he’s a snob. He still gets more trophies than me and hangs out with the big wheels, and I still have to be a night owl to keep up with them and wake up to hear my mom scolding me for spending ten dollars on a bottle of unnecessary boba milk.”
“You can ask for money in roundabout ways like I do, you know, meal cards, books fees…” said Nathan.
“Roundabout ways would expose.” Abby shut her eyes. “And she’s already bruised her face collapsing onto the ground in the airport, what else should I ask for?”
“Well, at least you shouldn’t fixate on what Jason said. He’s just an asshole,” said Ella.
Abby put her hands in her lap and mumbled: “His dad owns casinos in Macau…and Vegas.”
There was a silence.
Nathan was trying hard to remember the last time he asked his dad to allow him to learn anything. It felt weird for him, though, as he had been insulating himself from learning for years. The tracing back of it suddenly cut him to the heart when Mr. Terrell’s remark, “it will put you behind your study,” popped up in his mind. Yes, put me behind my study. Put me behind my study. Why did he say that again? It was the acting class, right?
Ella sought to soothe Abby by saying she couldn’t remember one piece of fingering in spite of once having a private tutor for piano, but then she became aware that they were not the same case. At first, Mr. and Mrs. Mayfair sought to align Ella’s ability with their friends’ kids so she could mingle with those tycoons and bureaucrats. Then they discovered Ella was a natural. She could dazzle those Rolex and Hermes without the noble skills other debutantes had. So it was a consensual bye-bye piano. They couldn’t be more in concert.
The undulating landscape was being pulled backward by the right end of the window. One spin of the wheel forward, Abby’s heart pounded once more. If it wasn’t her dad there shouldn’t be anything to complain about her home. But something unbearably thick dominated the place, and it was Evelyn.
If there was one man that brought Abby’s primitive ache that was Joe, undoubtedly, but the one that triggered her algesia was Evelyn, though she was only a scapegoat.
Evelyn was Abby’s alarm clock: whenever Abby harbored a wish, Evelyn would remind her of ‘no daddy’ and ‘no money’; whenever Abby paused to savor a drop of pleasure Evelyn accused her of being irresponsible.
Yet Evelyn, like her daughter, felt guilty. She felt guilty for her inability to supply her daughter, though her distress would later find its way to cling to Abby. The cycle rolled endlessly as a truly existing perpetual motion machine. The physics teacher was wrong about its nonexistence.
This was it. This was her home. This was everywhere, including this cozy night.
“I’m sorry guys, I shouldn’t make you uneasy. This should be a fun night.”
“No, honey, don’t beat yourself up like that. This night might not be as good, but things suck all the time, right? Plus, we had some fun. We mocked Helena’s ass off.”
“Right on spot,” echoed Nathan. “Nobody sees Helena more than us. Most of the time boys just get infatuated with her and the nerdy girls fall for her tricks.”
“Right. Except that she still gets everything she wants. None of those stupid teachers know she’s a whore,” said Abby.
“For now! One day you’ll see the reckoning. If she continues to be hypocritical she won’t be admitted to the smart set, or date any men. By men, I mean ‘men’, not teenage boys,” said Ella
“That’s true. Nathan could do way better than her,” agreed Abby.
“Absolutely! So many girls had crushes on him after he played that epic Macbeth!”
Nathan gave a subtle, wry smile.
